Merry Christmas

This is my favorite picture. G and Amos were waiting so patiently for a bite from Parker.
Their good behavior was not rewarded!

The kids Christmas morning

This was the best Christmas I've had in many years. There are many reasons why, and I will try to share without exposing too much.

First of all we decided to do a Nativity secret santa for two families. We made up tags to go with each piece of the nativity and beginning on December 13th, left one piece each night. The girls had so much fun with this project, both putting them together and ding-dong-ditchin' every night! We had a little drama the first night....I'm sure one recipient saw the girls as her garage door opened just as they were running past her garage and she was heading to take her garbage out. Oh well! Then, We had a lot of drama the last night! We were saving the baby Jesus for the last night and we lost one! We frantically searched both my car and Savannah's with no luck. After which we went to a couple of stores looking for another nativity set (no luck with that on December 23rd). When we got home we found the last package had mysteriously made it's way into a shopping bag that had been in the car. What a huge relief that was.

When I asked our Bishop why there was not a giving tree out this year he said he was just asking people to help the families that needed it. I said that we would help. He told us to do whatever it was that we could do for a certain family. I just want to share what a wonderful experience that was. I have been on the receiving end of several secret santa experiences when we were struggling. I know how much it meant to us, and to think that someone else could feel that same way, and to know that I was able to do that...Now that was the best feeling of all.

I told the girls that they were not going to get much for Christmas this year because we had chosen to give in other ways. I think because they had been a part of the process, and because they remembered being given to, they were all for it. I know it touched them deeply to do these things.

The culminating event is not one that I can share much detail about at this time. It was a spontaneous decision and two families came together quickly and did an amazing service. I was very proud of all of our children, for most of them contributed! I think they all felt the spirit of that (even though 3 people involved got to experience the best part!)

For me Christmas is usually a difficult time. Lots of work to do. Expectations=disappointment. My children leave to go with their dad. And as they've gotten older it's lost a bit of the magic. But this year some things spontaneously changed and aligned in a way that took a lot of the stress away and brought the joy back for me.

Instead of spending Christmas eve (my birthday) doing Christmas at my house with my mom, we went to my dad's house. Everyone from my family that lives in town was there, even my brother and my nephew! It was fun, relaxing and we were home by 9pm. Christmas morning my mom came over and it did not feel rushed at all. We had plenty of time together before the kids left. Then Mario's boys came over and just hung out for awhile, which was so nice. Later in the afternoon my dad, step mom, and brother came over for dinner, which consisted mostly of left overs, except for the turkey breast I'd had in the crock pot all day. Again, it was relaxing and fun and my kids were back by that time. It may have been the first Christmas day in my entire life that I stayed home and did not leave my house.

Keeping Christmas as simple as I could and giving to others outside of my family brought the magic of Christmas into my life. I believe these will be our new traditions.

Seeing Santa

When the kids were younger we had a tradition of going to do a Christmas activity with grandpa and grandma McIntosh. Usually we would go downtown or to Alpenrose village. The kids loved going to see Santa on the 10th floor of Meier & Frank. It was a wonderland. Santa still comes to Macey's. He's a good Santa. But it's not on the 10th floor anymore, and it's not much of a wonderland. It's a fine tuned operation of getting the kids in and selling the portrait packages.

This year Grandpa and Grandma have a 2 year old grandchild (the others range in age from 8 to 22), so they wanted to start the tradition again. This year was Zoo lights and Santa. The 14 year olds, 16 year old and 17 year old joined them and it was a good time. (The 8 and 10 year old live out of town).

Savannah asked for a new boyfriend. He wasn't under the tree Christmas morning, but I'm sure she'll eventually find what she's looking for.

Flowchart Helps You Determine What Crap to Eat

Flowchart Helps You Determine What Crap to Eat

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Happy Birthday, Mario!

I just learned how to make a video on my computer. Yay me! I'm embarrassed to admit the amount of time I spent on this and the amount of help I demanded from my girls (in a very whining way!) But now I'm excited to make more.

Here's a present for you, Honey. Made with love!

What are you thankful for?

I'm thankful for NieNie for posting this video, it really is worth watching. It's cute!

I try to be mindful of my blessings daily. It helps me to keep things in perspective and to have a heart full of gratitude. Because, face it....things could always be worse! But at this time of year our hearts and minds always turns to gratitude, so here's my list (partial, of course!)

Here's what I'm thankful for:

me & my husband have jobs that we love
good health
friends and family who love me
wool socks
digital video recording (DVR, think Tivo...OMG,the best invention EVER)
my kids
a husband who thinks I'm the shizzz
I sleep on a luxurious bed every night
skirts, tights and boots
my homestead
Trader Joe's rice pasta mac & cheese
being off call



What are you thankful for?

My girl is moving out!

Savannah has had her checking account for over a year, but the first check she ever wrote was the deposit on her apartment. She is so excited to be out on her own. I'm nervous, but she's a smart girl with a good head on her shoulders and I think she'll be fine. What an exciting time in her life!

I heart cookies

This mostly gluten free diet isn't so difficult. I'm enjoying a variety of foods and feeling so much better. But the baking....well, that's still in the experimental phase. Thanks to some fabulous blogs I've found some wonderful recipes. Some are hits and some are misses. The above cookie (Flourless fudge Cookie) was a bit of a miss. After many taste tests the final verdict was that it tasted like (and had the consistency of) TOOTSIE ROLLS! Not terrible, just not what I was expecting.

So far I've had a lot of success with every recipe in Babycakes. I've tried several and they are all consistently good. The only tweeking I've had to do is increase her recommended cooking temperature and time. The last recipe I tried was her chocolate chip cookie one.....OMG, they were good. I highly recommend this book. And when I finally get to NY I'm visiting her bakery!

Feeling Sad

I do love my job, but there are times when the sacrifice just seems too much, that the job shouldn't come first, before things that are very important. I am sitting at home, missing my mother in law's funeral, because I have one more client due. I am missing the opportunity to support my husband and commune with his family. I am feeling guilty because I think I made the wrong choice.

But the choices I had were not good. I could not drive to Utah with Mario and the boys and be gone for one week. But to fly at the last minute to be there for only one or two days was expensive. Add to that the cost of paying someone else to be on call for me and possibly pay them even more money to be at the birth.

Well, I'm just feeling sorry for myself at this point.

Here are some of my favorite pictures of my dear mother in law that were taken at our wedding a little over two years ago.

I think this is such a beautiful picture of Angelita. I love her smile. I love all of her wrinkles, showing the years she has lived and loved.

One of the things that I love so much about Mario, is the deep love he has for his sweet mother. I don't know if I've met a man who had more love and respect for his mom.

She was almost 94 years old and still dancing!

I do remember the first time I met this fine lady. It was a long time before I was dating Mario. It was probably about 10 years ago. My family would spend the week of spring break at a boy scout camp at the coast with our friends the Knowles and Spravzoff's. The kids would often bring friends and this year Chial came. Mario and his mom came down to spend the day with us. I remember her sweet disposition. I remember her sitting in a chair outside our cabin, enjoying the ocean view.

When Mario and I were dating and it time for me to formally meet his family we planned a trip to Utah. I was also on call at that time! But these two mama's went way overdue and I made the decision that I couldn't cancel my trip and I went anyway. I had a lovely weekend and came home to two still pregnant mama's.

Before going to meet his family I was a little nervous about the language barrier. I asked Mario if his mother spoke any english. He said she spoke a little. That was an exaggeration! She spoke as much english as I did spanish. But from that experience I learned how much you can communicate with someone without understanding the words being spoken. I felt of her love for her family, her love and acceptance of me and her sweet spirit. Each time we have visited I have loved my time with her. Last year when we brought Savannah and Emilia with us she was just as sweet and loving to them. We all love her so.

She left this earth on Saturday, October 17th around 7am. She left peacefully to be with her husband and children waiting for her in Heaven. We find comfort in knowing that she is in the arms of the Lord and we will see her again someday.


Update:
After writing this post I had a good cry, my stomach was turning and my heart was hurting and I realized I really had made the wrong decision. I found another midwife to cover me for 24 hours, called my client and booked my flight. I am on my way to Utah. It was the right thing to do. I pray that my client won't go into labor, but if she does, it's ok. She doesn't really need me anyway. And it's just money. It doesn't mean anything. The important thing is that my wonderful husband needs me and I am going to be there. Now, I feel so much better.

My Job in Pictures

I don't have many pictures of myself while working at a birth. At one of the births I attended this week the grandma took some great pictures and there were many of me. I thought it would be fun to share a little glimpe into the home birth experience.


When we arrive to a birth one of the first things we do it set up the equipment. Here is my birth bag and oxygen tank. I use a cutting board to put a heating pad on with layers of baby blankets, baby hats and the newborn stethoscope. The cutting board serves as a warm and firm surface if we need to perform CPR on a baby. I also cover a cookie sheet with a disposable pad and place all of the things I need handy for the actual moment of birth. Most of them we don't use, but they are close by if needed. This tray allows us to move it from room to room and be ready wherever the mom wants to birth. On the tray are gloves, herbs, medications for bleeding, mirror, flashlight, instuments (umbilical scissors and clamps), and guaze.



We listen to fetal heart tones with a doppler about every 30 minutes during active labor. Here I am listening while mom is on her hands and knees and dad is giving support.



Awww, the magical part of birth. This baby was born with her cord around her neck and wrapped around her body. I needed to somersault her in the water to get it loose enough to unwind. At one point she was upside down and it was funny looking. This is just as I am helping mom lift the baby out of the water. I don't always lift the baby to the mom, but in this situation I did because of the cord. It's nice when mom and dad can be the ones to touch their baby first.


After the birth we are monitoring the mom and baby, and most of that monitoring is done just like this. Sitting or standing around and watching. I want the parents to have as much undisturbed time as possible. Mom will let us know when she's ready to get out of the tub or if she feels the placenta is coming.


A couple of hours after the birth we do a newborn examination. He we are measuring the baby.


Weighing the baby on our scale. (A client's husband made this sling for my scale and I love it. I also have a blue one,)

This baby was struggling with her respirations, so we were monitoring her frequently after the birth. We always want to make sure things are improving and act quickly if they are not. She is doing well now!

Just Say NO to Chips

I learned something today. If you go to your favorite neighborhood Mexican restaurant, and just say no to the complimentary chips and salsa they bring you immediately, and then wait patiently for the meal that you ordered, that meal tastes delicious! And you enjoy eating it. And you may even eat the entire meal without feeling sick.

Savannah is a licensed driver

By the time we finished up at the DMV Savannah needed to get home, change for work, and head out on her own to drive to work. She said she was both excited and a little nervous to drive on her own, with no one in the car. She said, "I'm like a little bird, flying away from the nest". Yes you are, honey! Another step in the right direction!

New Wheels

The pictures are dark, since we didn't make it to pick up the car until 8pm. But here she is in all her glory! Savannah's new car! She doesn't take her driving test for two more weeks and she's going to be tortured seeing her new car parked in front of the house for the next 14 days!


On the way home from getting her car we stopped off at Oak Grove 8 Cinemas ( her place of employment, which is paying for the car ) to show her off to her best friends. Fun times!

Chop, Chop, Chop

We have spent the entire summer contemplating what to do with the mess of overgrown arborvitae lining the back of the yard. The advantage of the overgrowth was complete privacy and a sound barrier. On the negative side-ugly and taking up a whole lot of space. One day to escape the stress of waiting for a job offer Mario went outside to start trimming. I warned him to not get too carried away! Here's what he came up with.....

Shave them to the trunk from the fence line down......

It left quite a mess to clean up
and Emilia and Tyler were worked hard hauling tree limbs away...

Me, hard at work, too........

Emilia is always willing to serve......

We ended up with a good supply of wood for the fire pit.....

The end result.....I'm very happy with it.

My husband has a real job now. He no longer works for me. Projects will be fewer and far between, not to mention slower to get finished. But that's ok. We had a great summer together and got a lot done. It was wonderful. Thanks for all your hard work, honey. I know you're getting more rest at the office now :)

Thoughts on Midwifery

I have had a lot of thoughts about midwifery swirling through my head recently. I feel so passionate about what I do and how women are treated during pregnancy and childbirth, that even my children get sick of me moaning when I hear of ANOTHER woman having a cesarean. I can NOT understand why more people are not outraged at the FACT that the rate of cesarean birth is out of control! Why are women, men, health care workers and the general population of people NOT raising their voices in outrage? The lies are perpetuated when women are told that the only thing of importance is that they leave the hospital with a healthy baby.

I recently had a homebirth client that I transferred to the hospital for fetal distress. When I arrived at my clients home this baby was clearly in fetal distress and the mom needed to be transported to the hospital. She was ready to go, as she had instinctively felt something was wrong with her baby and this is why she had called upon me to come to her home and listen to her baby. (Mom's are wise that way.) I called the hospital, talked with the midwife on call and they were expecting us when we arrived. My client was treated with respect and genuine care. I was grateful for this. The midwife explained everything to my client, her feelings mattered and she was listened to. She was cared for. A decision to do a cesarean was made quickly and I felt it was the right decision. I am not against cesarean. I was grateful for the midwife's care and the doctor's skill in performing a surgery that gave this family a healthy baby. There were some moments that made me angry, but overall this was an ideal transport.

Recently ACOG (American College of Gynecologists) put up a survey on their website asking healthcare workers to submit homebirth stories gone bad! They quickly changed the page to be password protected. Not surprising, since I'm sure that the midwifery community went wild posting positive stories. Since I no longer have access to this page I won't waste time posting a link, and my memory is not great, but I do remember that it seemed that the most pressing reason for this survey was the fear that doctors were being sued by patients who transferred into their care from a planned homebirth. It is my experience and understanding that the bottom line for most hospitals and doctors is the prevention of litigation. If the decisions for YOUR healthcare are being made based on whether or not your doctor could be sued by you how does this make you feel? This is not the way to keep a person healthy. If decisions are made based on what's best for the doctor, how is this best for the patient?

You can go here to read an article that was posted on the Huffington Post about ACOG's recent stunt.

It is unfortunate that the medical community can not get together with the midwifery community to build a bridge of common understanding. In my community there are amazing women willing to put themselves on the line for this cause. I am thankful for them and the work that they have done. I believe it played a part in the recent transport that I had.

If women (PEOPLE) were treated with respect concerning their health care what could happen in our country? I wish the medical community realized that women (PEOPLE) can and do have knowledge about their bodies and healthcare. They can make educated decisions based on evidence. They can be TRUSTED to make the RIGHT decision for themselves, their babies, their families, their health. I wish the medical community trusted alternative health care and the approach of HEALTH and the role that preventive care, nutrition and mental well being play in the overall health of a person. I wish that WE could ALL stand up for ourselves in the medical community and make sure that we have all the information concerning our health care before letting doctors take control of our bodies.

I have had more moments in the last year than I would like to admit where I have seriously condidered why I am a midwife. Sometimes the sacrifice is SO great that I can not even describe it. I dream of not being on call, of going to bed at night with no concern for whether or not I will sleep all night, of taking weekends away with my family, of not having the responsibility I do for another human's life. But in spite of the sacrifices, I can not deny the high I feel when observing a laboring mom, of witnessing a wet baby slip out of her mother's womb and into her father's hands, of laughing and crying as siblings greet siblings with respect and honor and love. As much as I can't describe the sacrifice I find it difficult to describe the awe of witnessing a family being born. I am blessed to be invited into the home of a birthing family for such a private moment. I do not take this lightly. And this trust is what gets me through the rough times. This magic is what keeps me coming back for more.

Hillsboro Air Show

Emilia looking oh so enthused about her mother posing her in front of a jet!

Last night we went to the air show in Hillsboro. Another activity that was a first for me. I have lived here my whole life and can not believe how many places and activities in this area that I have not participated in. We were able to get tickets to the air show from a friend of Mario's which makes it all the more fun! The show was amazing, even without seeing the spectacular Blue Angels or Thunderbirds, or whoever they are! One turn around in those planes and I would not be able to see straight and I would be puking my guts out! But they go up and down, around and around, over and over!

The most amazing thing I saw was a plane that flew very low to the ground, UPSIDE DOWN, and hit a flag that PEOPLE were holding on the tarmac! I told Mario that I would have been spectacularly amazed if the pilot had done that maneuver rightside up. I definitely plan to go back and see the BIG show.

Clackamas County Fair

We had the fun opportunity to be judges in the kitchen at the fair. For Mario, it was a huge task to taste and score over 80 breads. (But I think he enjoyed it). I had a much smaller task as I volunteered to taste the gluten free entries, and since this was the first year of GF, there were only 5 entries. (But I got a great recipe for GF carrot cake!)

Here is Mario with his case of bread!

Chocolate Cake tasting.

We also went back later in the week to judge Men's Chocolate Cake, and Cheese recipes. Mario wa sent to the cake area and I was at the cheese area. YUM! We are definitely going back next year to volunteer! One of the nicest things was we were given a week long pass to attend the fair. Besides our judging duties, we were able to go back to the fair three times.

One night we headed to the rodeo with Emilia. It was a first for me and Emilia. I liked the rodeo, but there were some parts that me and Emilia had a difficult time with. I can not get over the way some of the animals are treated. But I completely appreciated the athleticism of the cowboys and cowgirls. I had no idea of the difficulty, skill and training that is involved in the sport. We had a great time!

Blog Family

About a year and a half ago I began reading this blog. Which then led to reading this blog. That's the way it is with blogs. You find one you like, link to the blogs they like to read, and so on, and so on, and so on. Pretty soon your google reader is full of wonderful blogs that you really don't have time to keep up on. Once my friend asked me which blogs I went to first when checking my google reader. My answer? This blog. And this blog.

If you are not familiar with these sisters I highly recommend you take a look at their archives and catch yourself up. You will be moved by their stories. Their courage. Their faith. The love they have and the love they share.

The reason I have chosen to share these blogs with you at this time is because I am moved by the courage of one sister's readiness to share her face with me. To share her beautiful, tragic, ALIVE, burned face to all of the world of readers that have followed her story. To us who read her blog before. To those who found her story after. To all who have cried for this family's heartache and prayed for healing.

She is grateful for her life. And so am I.

Emilia Wins a Ribbon at the County Fair!

Emilia painted this last fall. She took a picture of the beach while we were in Seaside, OR last summer and then painted it. I think she did a beautiful job! I'm pretty bummed that I suggested she give the painting to her dad for Christmas! But she did paint me a sweet pregnant belly that I have hanging in my office.

She has become quite an artist this last year, painting, sewing and creating lovely works. I encouraged her to enter some of her artistry into the Clackamas County Fair this year and she was excited to do so. This Seaside painting won 3rd place! Another painting she entered was disqualified because we didn't get the framing just right (strict rules!) so I hope we can enter it next year. It is a unique and stunning picture that I think would have done well. She also placed 5th for the baby blanket she made for her cousin.

A little of this, a little of that.....

My husband, the officially retired member of our household.

I've been keeping him mighty busy with projects around the house. Here he is putting up our world flag that we purchased on Lopez Island. He tends the chickens everyday. He takes me and Amos for our daily walks. He's found more bushes to cut down and roots to dig out. Oh yeah, and he put a bunch of Ikea furniture together for me. He's so good to me!

The garden is growing like crazy! My tomato plants are over 6 feet tall!

Still one of my favorite places to hang out!





OUT WITH THE OLD......
(Mario, Bishop Perisich and Dennis)

AND IN WITH THE NEW.....

(Brent, Bishop Giles and Owen)
Big changes in our ward last week. The new bishop was called and we are all excited for him and his councilors, and know that this new leadership will be wonderful for our ward.

She's got her Fiji water, ready to board her plane to Kansas!

She is quite the independent girl and had no worries about traveling alone, managing a layover in another airport and switching planes to get to her Aunt Gretchen's house. While her mother was a nervous wreck about it all! She's been gone a week now and will be home next week. She calls nightly to give me all her updates, and it sounds like she's having a great time. Tonight she called her big sister and they spoke for about 45 minutes. It was very sweet because I know she was concerned about how Savannah has been since Schyler broke up with her, she dropped her phone in the toilet and she didn't start her new job today!

One Picture Says It All

Lopez Island vacation, July 2009

I'll share more pictures later, but this is my favorite. It tells the story. The story of sleeping in late, long walks, and good food. The story of rock hunting on beautiful beaches while the sun shines on my back and a gentle breeze cools my skin. The story of family time, games and hot tubing under the stars with a bright moon casting a glow on the bay. This picture tells the story of reading many books on this deck, next to the bay with the sun tanning my skin and healing my soul.

Savannah's Graduation Night

Chrissy and Savannah

Grandma Bonnie and Savannah

The kids

Savannah and Mom

Grandpa and Grandma McIntosh with Savannah