Leo Has Arrived

My grandson Leoben Loki Thomas Dee arrived on Tuesday, September 18, 2012 at 3:14 pm. He weighed 8 pounds 12 ounces and was 20 3/4 inches long. His mama had a long, hard labor and grandma (ME) and daddy helped to catch him as he entered this world. His cord was wrapped around both shoulders and it took him a little longer than a minute to take his first breath, but he had a strong heartbeat. When he took that  first breath we all breathed a sigh of relief and mama and papa were full of joy!

Savannah and Spencer Maternity Photos

The wonderful Cindy Knowles

of

Garage Studio Photography

took Savannah and Spencer's maternity photos.

Here are a few of my favorites

Band-aid

Koen's mama wasn't feeling well today so I offered to pick him up from preschool. Lucky me, I always love the opportunity to hang out with the grandkids. Koen wasn't as excited about hanging out with me, but that was ok.

As soon as I buckled him into his car seat my phone rang. The sister in law of my over due client said it was time to come, a baby was coming. Really. Labor was in full force and they were in the car on their way home from shopping and I needed to come quick.

Oh, boy!

I explained to Koen that I had a client in labor and she was going to have her baby today and it was my job to help her have her baby. I tried to make it sound like a fun activity that we were going to hurry to my house and pack up my car with my supplies before I took him home.

While I was loading my supplies in the car Koen had a few questions.  He was wondering if the mama giving birth was going to bleed.  I'll admit I though twice about how to answer.  The quick and easy would have been to say no and move on. I'm sure it's no surprise that I decided to explain that yes, most moms bleed when having a baby. He didn't seem too upset about this but he did want to make sure I had some band-aids with me.

The grandkids know EXACTLY where all of my band-aids are so he promptly went into my office, opened the band-aids and brought one to me. I had it in my pocket which reminded me to share the story (along with the band-aid in my pocket) with the mom.

I almost always love my job. Not today.

I was going to put that as my status update on facebook this morning. I was feeling overly tired and a little bit angry. For the second time in the last three weeks I spent the night with a "laboring" mama, who wasn't really in labor. 

I'm not sure why I was feeling angry, other than the fact I was too tired and wondered how I missed that she wasn't really laboring. I guess it didn't help that after a few hours of sleep I was woken up by the school calling because my daughter didn't make it to school this morning, despite my stern emphasis on telling her as I left for the birth last night that she needed to get herself up for school in the morning.

I was pretty angry at her when I had to get her out of bed and take her to school.

I usually love my job. Really I do.

But when I endure all the less than desirable aspects of my job....and there wasn't even a birth and adorable baby at the end of it, those less desirable aspects become pretty annoying. I knew that I would be tired all day. I knew that it would be difficult to eat well, as I crave bad food when I'm overly tired. I knew that I essentially I would lose an entire day to tiredness and lack of motivation.

Not to mention I worried "what if she really goes into labor tonight and I miss another night of sleep?" Because you see, I'm still on call.

For me, losing sleep and being on call are the most difficult things, and no matter how long I do this those things do not get easier.

On the plus side one of my clients didn't get my message that I wanted to cancel appointments today so I got to play with these cute guys!

I got to be at Savannah's ultrasound and see my little grandchild. She is halfway through her pregnancy, and unlike my client's pregnancies, hers seems to be taking for.ev.er! Seeing the baby was amazing, thinking about this beautiful child growing within my own beautiful child. They decided to not find out the sex of the baby which makes it even more exciting....like waiting for Christmas!

Twin Birth

I've been excitedly awaiting my twin birth.  Mama went one week over due and each morning of those last couple of weeks I would wake up and think "Those babies are going to come today!"  But they took their time.

When mama finally went into labor it went so fast and furious that I missed it.  This mom had said all along that she thought we would miss the birth of the first baby. We did in fact miss the birth, of both babies!  I was so sad to have missed it, but happy for the mom who got the birth she had envisioned.  She wanted them to come fast and close together.  The boys were born two minutes apart. They are healthy and adorable!

The Little Midwife

Moments after birth

CJane Enjoy It

I just had to share this quote from CJane's blog today! She just had a homebirth a few weeks ago.


3. Would you do another non-medicated birth? And if so, WHY???

Here is the deal about that whole deal.

Now that I look back on Ever's birth I see things a little more clearly.

The pain? Hmm. Yes it hurt. It was pounding and brutal. Then there was the part when I felt my body split in two . . .

But.

But it wasn't the physical pain that astounded me about that experience. For me, the pain? Meh. It was shortly lived and gone the second the baby left the (fleshy) building.

But.

The pain coupled with the metaphysical?

Holy.

It was the stretching of my spirit that really shook my core. The psychological impact that comes from going to a place where earth meets heaven and tiptoeing along that blurry line of life and death. It was the part where I felt the weight of something so huge, so much bigger and more fantastic than anything I could have ever imagined. It was closing my eyes and seeing a checkerboard sphere rolling around like I was viewing pure energy at a molecular level. It was completely psychedelic and strange and completely awe-some.

And when I think the physical feeling of my body splitting open I also think my spirit was doing the same. In that process, my spirit made more of me to be able to contain all of that experience. Like a hand inside a latex glove, I was filled with humanity, expanding, extending, magnifying. I was more. And I will never get over the residual memories--they still astound me.

Are you kidding me?

I can't wait to do it again.

Footling Breech

Isn't it incredibly sweet that the wall says "Happy Birthday".
The little brother of this baby being born celebrated his birthday two days before her birth and the family left the sign up to wait for the baby.
I love it!

This little girl had been persistently breech for the last six weeks. Her mama and midwives tried many things to get her head down but she didn't want to come out that way. We all had a lot of trust in proceeding with this breech birth at home.

There were a few moments of anxiousness these last couple of weeks. Mama went a little overdue and I had another client having several episodes of false labor. I did not want them to labor at the same time. I wanted to be fully present for both births.

I have to admit for the last week or two I was convinced that this baby was going to come out feet first. When we had the ultrasound she wasn't in a classical frank breech, the most ideal of breech positions. I would say she was more in a complete breech position, but looking more like frog legs!



So this morning when dad announced that he saw a foot emerging I was not at all surprised. I was grateful that I had invited another midwife with a lot of breech experience to come along to this birth. But always felt confident that all would be well. I had planned to follow the "hands off the breech" rule, which is easy when mom is laboring in a birth tub. But this tub was only half full of water and you can see that mom's bum in completely out of the water. As baby continued to emerge I was afraid she would come quickly and her head would slip into the water. I kept putting my hand on her while in my head I was chanting "get your hands off". I did not want that baby to fall into the water. When the body was birthed we had the mom stand up to birth the head and I did place my hands on the baby at this time as the baby emerged completely and vigorously! It was beautiful.

Look at those cute little feet! Amazing!

My Job in Pictures

I don't have many pictures of myself while working at a birth. At one of the births I attended this week the grandma took some great pictures and there were many of me. I thought it would be fun to share a little glimpe into the home birth experience.


When we arrive to a birth one of the first things we do it set up the equipment. Here is my birth bag and oxygen tank. I use a cutting board to put a heating pad on with layers of baby blankets, baby hats and the newborn stethoscope. The cutting board serves as a warm and firm surface if we need to perform CPR on a baby. I also cover a cookie sheet with a disposable pad and place all of the things I need handy for the actual moment of birth. Most of them we don't use, but they are close by if needed. This tray allows us to move it from room to room and be ready wherever the mom wants to birth. On the tray are gloves, herbs, medications for bleeding, mirror, flashlight, instuments (umbilical scissors and clamps), and guaze.



We listen to fetal heart tones with a doppler about every 30 minutes during active labor. Here I am listening while mom is on her hands and knees and dad is giving support.



Awww, the magical part of birth. This baby was born with her cord around her neck and wrapped around her body. I needed to somersault her in the water to get it loose enough to unwind. At one point she was upside down and it was funny looking. This is just as I am helping mom lift the baby out of the water. I don't always lift the baby to the mom, but in this situation I did because of the cord. It's nice when mom and dad can be the ones to touch their baby first.


After the birth we are monitoring the mom and baby, and most of that monitoring is done just like this. Sitting or standing around and watching. I want the parents to have as much undisturbed time as possible. Mom will let us know when she's ready to get out of the tub or if she feels the placenta is coming.


A couple of hours after the birth we do a newborn examination. He we are measuring the baby.


Weighing the baby on our scale. (A client's husband made this sling for my scale and I love it. I also have a blue one,)

This baby was struggling with her respirations, so we were monitoring her frequently after the birth. We always want to make sure things are improving and act quickly if they are not. She is doing well now!

I'm still here.

I've been busy. And not so busy. The real reason I haven't blogged in awhile is that I haven't had much to say. But I wanted you all to know that I'm still here! Here's a little photo montage of a few things I've been up to.

Watching the dog and the girl sleep. Really, at times it seems that's all they do!

Me and my FABULOUS apprentice, the other Kelly. Together we are the Kelli/y's.

We don't look our best here, but we were having a great time. This was at a birth that we refer to as a "butter birth". Third baby, Kelly was there just a few minutes before the birth, me a little longer. Mom was amazing and the baby was born healthy. But it was early in the morning!

And here we are with the new little guy. So cute.

We had 4 births in three weeks. 3 primips (first time moms) and one multip (see above). They were all great, none were super long and we were excited to be busy, yet with perfect spacing, giving us time to recuperate.

I'm off call for the holidays!

It's been snowing and freezing around here. I'm enjoying having my sweetie home....5 days and counting now. We've been taking walks in the snow, running errands, shopping for treats to eat while we're snowed in.

Yesterday on our way out we passed an old man lying in the snow and ice just a few houses away from ours. Mario didn't even see him. I saw him, but absentmindedly. It was only after we passed him that I realized the seriousness of what I saw. I made Mario slide to a stop, reverse and help him. Poor gentleman had gone to get his mail, (no hat, no gloves, thin jacket.....it was FREEZING out there) he fell and the best we could figure he had been lying on the ice for ten minutes. He was bleeding, shaking and unable to speak much. When we lifted him off the ground he was unable to stand, so we held him until another neighbor came out with a blanket, hat, and chair for him to sit on. He seemed pretty hurt, especially complaining about his hip, so we called 911. It took another 10 minutes for them to get to us, but they were kind and thoughtful and we left him in good hands. It was so scary to me that he could have been laying out there in the cold for any longer if we hadn't decided to brave the ARCTIC BLAST and go to Ikea.

Today was an even better day! Woke up to a mom calling in labor. I decided to ask Mario to drive me to the birth. I knew the roads were relatively clear, but I was worried about the hill that they lived on being steep and icy (it was!) and I didn't want to get stranded by myself. We picked up my apprentice on the way, and in the excitement and adrenaline, we didn't check the address of the house and went to the wrong house! Waking up a poor woman at 7:30 am to two women and one man and a whole load of baggage! We apologized and then headed up the street a little farther to the correct house, that seriously looks just like the wrong house! A sweet baby girl was born a little over an hour later. A surprise breech. When we first walked into the house the mom said she thought the baby was breech. I palpated but didn't concur. We heard heart tones low on mom's belly and were reassured until we saw a steady stream of meconium. Not a lot, but enough. By the time we knew it was breech, she was coming fast, just a couple minutes later she slid right out. Mom lifted her out of the water and that little girl lifted her head up in a way I have never witnessed---I mean she REALLY lifted her head---and looked each one of us present at her birth straight in the eyes, telling each of us of her presence. It was a blessing.

I began this year with a surprise breech birth that ended in a death. I ended this year with a surprise breech birth of a healthy baby. Both girls, with heads full of dark hair, beauty beyond looks, and loved by many. I thank them both for their gifts to me, for the journey they have helped me take.

So much to be thankful for.

And now I'm off call for the holidays!

Hmmmm....

I really want to share my feelings about the election, but honestly I don't feel that I can gather my thoughts in an organized way just yet. I feel emotional, excited, hopeful, anxious, proud....I could go on and on with the adjectives. Just suffice it to say that I have many thoughts going through my head.



Instead I'm just going to share a funny and appropriate ending to a story. It's the story of the woman who showed up at my door for an interview, minutes after I woke up after only a few hours of sleep after being at a birth most of the night. My first greeting to her was in my robe with my hair up in a towel.

Imagine my shock and surprise when she actually hired me!
(I've already shared this in a previous post, and if I knew how to link it here I would, but I don't, so you'll just have to look for it if you're interested)

So it seemed appropriate that on her final postpartum visit she showed up at my home office two hours before her scheduled appointment with me in the same robe and hair towel that she was greeted with two months earlier.

We both had a good laugh over that one!

Babies, Babies, Babies

I just had to share this picture.

Sweet baby boy born last week.
Gentle dog, who watched as the newest member of the family was getting an exam.

When the baby cried the dog was right there to watch over us, making sure that all was well.
It was such a tender moment to me.

We had a picnic at Westmoreland Park this week with some of our clients. It was an unseasonably warm (HOT) day. I was so happy to see some of the babies and toddlers that I have been privileged to meet on their way into this world. Chubby, happy babies that came into this world gently, in water. With loving hands catching them, guiding them.

Unbelievable!

Baby boy born last night! Mom was so excited because she had a short labor, after 3 long labors with her other children. This was also her first homebirth, after 3 birth center births. It does make a difference.

That concludes our August births, so my apprentice and I were excitedly beginning to make plans with our next off-call time. I was trying to quickly get out of town today to head to a wedding in Utah, while she was thinking about a camping trip this weekend. Then on my way to a postpartum visit I checked my phone messages and there was a message from a woman who interviewed me a couple weeks ago and her baby is due in a few weeks and she wants to hire us. UNBELIEVABLE! Because this is the one I wrote about 2 weeks ago who showed up at my door 3 minutes after I woke up after being up all night at a birth and driving around the town I grew up in looking for a damn Shari's restaurant!

I am so excited!

And I am back on call.

Like Kelly said when I called to tell her to cancel her camping trip, "It was fun while it lasted".

At least we got a trip to Ikea in this morning.

Adventures With My Apprentice In The Middle Of The Night

Another sweet baby girl born this morning on her parents 10th wedding anniversary. It was the first birth that my apprentice and I have attended together in 6 months, and we were excited!

We left the family snuggled in bed around 4am, with our stomaches aching for a yummy breakfast. We wanted to eat at Shari's, because Denny's seemed a little scary. But when we headed over to the Jantzen Beach area there was only a Denny's. We were looking for a phone booth to look up the closest Shari's. Did you all know it's hard to find a phone booth these days? So Kelly (my wonderful apprentice) went into Denny's to ask for a phone book to look up Shari's. I found a lot of humor in this. She brought the phone book out to the car (more humor) and said that we would NOT be eating at Denny's! But we found a Shari's nearby, so with address and Thomas Guide in hand it seemed that our hunger pains would soon be fed.

HA HA

Everywhere we went we ran into dead ends, no through streets, right turn only-when we wanted to turn left, and illegal u-turns. We were laughing, cursing and throwing our hands up as we drove circles around Delta Park, freeway underpasses and some very dark roads for nearly 45 minutes, with fierce determination to eat at Shari's. OK, I was raised in this town, so I should know better, but the lack of sleep, the company I keep and my grumbling stomach kept me pressing on. I don't know why we didn't just get back on the freeway, figuring that we would see the Shari's from there, but like I said...it was well past 4am at this point, and does anyone think clearly at that hour?

When we finally made it to Shari's (and every single Shari's I've ever been in is too cold) we were the only ones in the restaurant and had the funnest waitress. As crazy as it all was, we were having a good time.

With my belly full I rolled into the driveway about 5:45am, wrote an email, called the lab for a pick-up, and went to bed. But the adventure didn't stop there....

I had on my calendar "10:00am" written down, with no name. I'd been pondering this for days, wondering if I had an appointment I forgot about or what. To be on the safe side I decided to set my alarm, be awake and somewhat presentable "just in case", and besides, I needed to take Savannah to work at 10:30am. After only a few hours of sleep I did not hear the alarm over the hum of the air conditioner and woke up at 9:58am. I stumbled to the family room to see Savannah, who needs to be at work in 32 minutes, deep in dream land. As I rouse her I hear a car door shut, look out the window and see a woman getting a toddler out of her car in my driveway.....holy crap! I have an interview at 10am! I urgently tell Savannah to answer the door, greet the woman, lead her to my office and tell her I will be a few minutes. I run to the bathroom where I undress, brush my teeth and shower in 3 minutes (I am not exaggerating!), peek my head in the office with explanations and apologies, then dress in about 2 minutes. 5 minutes late to the interview, somewhat presentable, and completely unnerved. I loved the woman and her darling son, but it will be a miracle if she hires me.

A Birth Essay on Why Women Choose Birth Outside the Hospital

Don't you want a doctor?...

This essay was written by Marcela Valle and was posted to ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network) online 5/19/07. It was written after she'd had a conversation in which she explained why she was choosing a midwife for her second birth. My apprentice, Kelly, forward to me and I thought it was absolutely beautiful, in spite of it's length.

Don't you want a doctor?...

It is a question I have been asked, "Don't you want someone who can handle anything?" When I heard this question, so many feelings boiled inside me so fast that my answer constituted: "No, because I don't want someone waiting for the slightest opportunity to cut me open again." And, while that holds true, there's so much more than that and it deserves to be put into words…

I don't want a doctor because I believe in my ability to birth. I believe that Mother Nature/Creation/ God(s)-or whomever you revere- have given us the ability and the opportunity to birth, and to go through that passage for a reason. Over the years in North American culture, we have lost sight of such experience and its purpose. It has been said before, that "A child is born, and so is a mother."

I don't want a doctor because they are experts in many things, but not normal birth.

I don't want a doctor because I want a birth attendant who believes in me. An attendant who will empower me, and support me, and tell me to get it together and birth this baby. I choose someone who will encourage me to be educated and make decisions with me, not for me.

I don't want a doctor because I am not making decisions based on fear. I make decisions based on research, and logic and, all the while, I also follow my heart.

I don't want a doctor because, despite widely held beliefs, birth in a hospital is not as safe as birth outside a hospital. Birth with a midwife, at home, is a rational choice.

I do not want a doctor because I am more than a paycheck, a liability, or a 'difficult' patient.

I do not want a doctor because I do not need to wait an hour in a waiting room to be seen for 5 minutes and by someone who needs to look at my chart to know my name. Instead, I want to be welcomed with a hug, offered water, a snack, and have an hour talking about my pregnancy, my feelings, and my birth plans.

I do not want a doctor because I do not need to feel scared about being an inconvenience, or have questions, take too much time, be too "needy" or have too many expectations.

I don't want a doctor because I want to be regarded as a healthy birthing mother. I am not sick, I am not a patient. I am full with life.

I don't want a doctor because birth is NOT an emergency waiting to happen, it is NOT dangerous. A doctor makes you believe birth is unsafe and you need them. After all, they would not have a job otherwise. A midwife trusts the process and allows it to take its course without fitting it into a box or random standards.

I don't want a doctor because I want someone who can handle things without a knife and someone who knows how to help me get the baby into a better position and over a pubic bone, and whatever else, without slicing me open or using torture devices.

I don't want a doctor because my body works. And it works best if not surrounded by strangers poking, probing and interrupting my concentration.

I don't want a doctor because I know I WILL go into labor, my hips are NOT small, they're the perfect size. My baby is NOT too big, my body CAN dilate, I am NOT a failure to progress…I DO NOT need to be saved. By not having a doctor, I AM saving myself.

I don't want a doctor because I don't want him, or a calendar, or a clock to tell me when I HAVE to birth and how fast I need to dilate. My body knows it, my baby knows it. We'll do it when it's time for the baby to be born, and time for me to birth my child.

I don't want a doctor because I don't want to be offered an induction (or be cut open) because it's close to Christmas, Mother's Day, or Labor Day. I won't be hurried because there's a golf game, a cruise, or a date to be made, or it's just inconvenient for me to wake them up at night or to take too long.

I don't want a doctor because I don't want to be imprisoned in a bed "just in case" and I don't want to have to stay still so a machine can work properly and the nurse doesn't have time to come into my room.

I don't want a doctor because I do not need to ask for permission to use the rest room, move around, eat, or have an opinion. Nor, do I need scare tactics and a "dead baby" card when I opt out of a procedure done only to cover the doctor's legal butt.

I do not want a doctor because I appreciate being talked to respectfully, and acknowledged, and being taken into account. I DO WANT TO KNOW, AND I WILL worry my little head about it, after all, it is my birth, my child, and my responsibility to do so.

I don't want a doctor because I don't want an electronic monitor to tell someone how I'm doing or whether I am in pain or not, or if my baby hugs are adequate enough.

I don't want a doctor because I don't want someone to "manage" my birth, and "solve" things by using interventions, which may lead to more interventions, which would be solved with even more interventions

I don't want a doctor because I don't want to be silent. I will groan, and moan, and sing if I want to, and my midwife may sing with me.

I don't want a doctor because I will birth my baby. My midwife will be present at my birth but nothing (besides food) will be delivered.

I do not want a doctor because I am not birthing on my back, or holding my breath or counting to 10.

I don't want a doctor because I don't want my child to be poked and prodded before we have a chance to hold each other. I want my baby to hear my voice first.

I don't want a doctor because I cannot bear another cut into my uterus and my heart, nor can I bear to watch another baby of mine born into blinding bright lights, deep suctioning, IV's and antibiotics.

I don't want a doctor because I have all it takes: wisdom, strength, courage, faith and a vagina.

Baby Girl

A baby girl born tonight at home. She is beautiful and shares a name with me. This is the first time a client has named a baby after me. Me and my apprentice share a name, which is quite funny to most people. But even funnier (or more embarrassing) are the number of times we actually show up to appointments dressed alike. We've even had a client ask if this was our "uniform". So the sweet baby girl is named after me and my apprentice, and a family member. Pretty cool stuff!

I've had some insomnia the last few nights. I suffer from this occasionally. Usually when I'm in the midst of it I feel incredibly frustrated and don't know why I'm fretting about a bunch of nonsense when I just want to go to sleep. But eventually I can attribute the insomnia to something and this helps to resolve it. I realized that since it's been 6 months of being off call I was anxious about being back on call. But mostly I was anxious that my apprentice is out of town this weekend and I have to rely on another apprentice who I don't know at all. There is a lot of trust that happens at birth, and I depend on the person who's at my side. I need to have complete trust in her skills and understanding of birth. And since one of the last births I attended 6 months ago was a full resuscitation and did not have a good outcome I was left with some trauma to process. I carried these anxieties with me as I tried to sleep each night.

After 6 months off call, I am grateful for the peace I felt from the moment I entered the birthing environment. I knew that the past was left behind. The room was filled with support, love, patience and trust. I missed my apprentice dearly, but all went well without her and I am grateful for the presence of the woman who attended this birth with me. And as always, I am grateful for the parents who trust me to enter the sacred space when their babies enter this world!

Now I am looking forward to sleeping like a baby tonight!