New Haiti Blog Post

Please see my Haiti blog 

for a list of needed items. 

I will be gathering what I can fit into my suitcase 

and any money left over 

will be donated to

MamaBaby Haiti.

Four births in three and half weeks. Whew, what a whirl wind! Only one birth happened at night, one I got called at 4am, two were only daytime hours. And I had adequate recovery time between every birth. Amazing! If I could always count on that I might be tempted to continue being a busy midwife.

This last birth I attended did end up in the hospital. The mom was having severe back labor with an OP baby. We gave her so much support and encouragement and she was able to continue on after some tense moments. Ultimately it was her choice to transfer care and get pain relief. I hate going to the hospital and in this political climate I have become uncharacteristically nervous about what to expect. Add to that that this labor took place in Washington and I was transferring to a Washington hospital. 

Aside from a few annoying moments (and people) this was one of the VERY best transports I have done. About an hour after we arrived my client got a new shift nurse and she was amazing. She also had a student nurse working with her. They both had many people in their lives who had had homebirths (though they themselves did not), and seemed to have an understanding and respect of homebirth as a choice in childbirth. They were so open to all of our requests. They were mellow, funny and respectful. I sent them a note telling them thank you for the care they gave my client.

The flip side of these beautiful births is that I had two new clients lose their babies this past week. Such a sad disappointment!

But still, my heart is full as I end this busy February.

I'm feeling a little guilty because I did not go to our Oregon Midwifery Council conference today. I had to take Savannah to work because her car is in the shop and by the time I would have gotten there I would have been so late.

I AM feeling good about how productive I was, though. I got so many errands done and did not mind spending so much time in my car today because it was SUNNY and though it was about 30 degrees outside, the sun was warm in my car.

Just got a pot of soup going (beef and barley), waiting for my sweetie to get home and watching Dianna Ross on Oprah. That woman is beautiful and talented. And I'm singing along to "I'm coming out. I want the world to know, got to let it show"!!!!!!

That sun is energizing!

The Little Midwife

Moments after birth

My Silly Valentine

He created this cupid costume all on his own! He spent hours in the man room putting it together, then on Valentines night he secretly went back there and put it on. When he walked in the room I was laughing hysterically. It was not what I had expected at all. He was going to keep it on when we went out to dinner but I said No Way!

In Memory

Yesterday marked the third anniversary of a baby's birth that truly changed my life. She died 8 days later due to complications at her birth. I have spent the last three years processing my grief, guilt, sadness and remorse. There have been times that were extremely difficult and painful. Part of my process was going through a depression unlike any other I've experienced. Another process was a lot of self blame.

Recently, with the help of a good friend and midwife, I was able to process this experience in a way that I had not been able to before. I was afraid to move through the deep feelings I had. But my friend offered. I knew I was ready. I did it. My friend gave me the time and space of love and safety along with the skill to help me move through. I am immensely grateful to her for this gift. 

As the months have passed I have been aware of the release I have had of the negative feelings and self talk. There are times when I still think of this precious child and her death. I feel it in my gut and it hurts. But I am able to think less and let go easier.

As the day approached that would have been her third birthday I thought of her several times. But yesterday, as the sun shone so bright and I drove through the countryside to visit another precious child so newly born,  my thoughts did not once turn to her. I only remembered when I got a sweet message of love from another who remembered this day. I was grateful for the reminder. I was even more grateful that I had forgotten. I know this may sound strange, but after punishing myself with negative thoughts for three years, it was so refreshing to not remember, and then to remember. To light a candle of remembrance and to know that life does go on.

Funny Cat

Ava had always been drawn to the prenatal room, especially when there is a pregnant mama in there. She was an attachment mama herself and nursed her babies longer than any cat I've heard of. But today when she just plopped herself on the belly of this pregnant mom I was laughing! Good thing this mama loves cats and didn't mind.