Footling Breech

Isn't it incredibly sweet that the wall says "Happy Birthday".
The little brother of this baby being born celebrated his birthday two days before her birth and the family left the sign up to wait for the baby.
I love it!

This little girl had been persistently breech for the last six weeks. Her mama and midwives tried many things to get her head down but she didn't want to come out that way. We all had a lot of trust in proceeding with this breech birth at home.

There were a few moments of anxiousness these last couple of weeks. Mama went a little overdue and I had another client having several episodes of false labor. I did not want them to labor at the same time. I wanted to be fully present for both births.

I have to admit for the last week or two I was convinced that this baby was going to come out feet first. When we had the ultrasound she wasn't in a classical frank breech, the most ideal of breech positions. I would say she was more in a complete breech position, but looking more like frog legs!



So this morning when dad announced that he saw a foot emerging I was not at all surprised. I was grateful that I had invited another midwife with a lot of breech experience to come along to this birth. But always felt confident that all would be well. I had planned to follow the "hands off the breech" rule, which is easy when mom is laboring in a birth tub. But this tub was only half full of water and you can see that mom's bum in completely out of the water. As baby continued to emerge I was afraid she would come quickly and her head would slip into the water. I kept putting my hand on her while in my head I was chanting "get your hands off". I did not want that baby to fall into the water. When the body was birthed we had the mom stand up to birth the head and I did place my hands on the baby at this time as the baby emerged completely and vigorously! It was beautiful.

Look at those cute little feet! Amazing!

Oh, Please, No!

There has been some recent blogging about a couple of positive birth portrayals on TV. I was so intrigued I logged onto hulu.com (awesome website) and watch "The Office" baby episode. My daughter loves this show but I haven't really watched it. Now I'm wondering why? Funny!!

Except for the hooter hider (which, by the way was really stupid looking), from a birth advocates point of view this was a great episode. First of all when Pam went into labor she did not panic and insisted on not going to the hospital until her contractions were 5 minutes apart. There was a staff meeting with the purpose of finding ways to distract Pam from her contractions. When breastfeeding was becoming a challenge and the nurse acted like it was no big deal to give the baby a bottle, Pam insisted on having a lactation consultant and didn't give up. Of course the lactation consultant was male and while he had his hands all over Pam's breasts Jim's reaction was hilarious! One of the funniest scenes was when Pam finally found success breastfeeding in the middle of the night, then discovered that she had really been feeding her roommates baby....Pam whispers in a panic to Jim, wrong baby, wrong baby! It was great to see a funny, yet positive spin on birth on TV.

Another show that I have not reviewed yet, but have heard positive things about is -SURPRISINGLY- Kourtney Kardashian's labor and birth. Apparantly when her water broke she just went about her life, even taking a shower and putting on makeup before heading to the hospital. When she pushed her baby out she...get this...TOUCHED HER BABY!!! Amazing stuff people. Way to go, Kourtney! I'm going to try to find this episode.

Update:

Here is the link to some video of Kourtney's labor and birth!!

The Boys

G, Amos & Parker

They have to bark at every passerby!

OK, so those who have to listen to me on an almost daily basis are probably sick of hearing about the dogs! But having a new, VERY LARGE puppy move into my house has been quite an adjustment. I recently updated the family room and bought an almost white couch...I know, what was I thinking? (But this was before the big dog moved it) And I am a little anal about keeping things neat and tidy around here.

I was worried about Parker moving back in, but he's been respectful and helpful. His dog on the other hand.....? Is a handful! He has been eating shoes and candles and papers and furniture and anything else he can sink his teeth into. G needs chewy toys, while Amos like soft and cuddly toys. I need to hide Amos' toys while G is here, then Amos gets to play with them while G is gone. Amos has had to adjust too. He has been anxious and annoying.

Emilia has had to adjust too. When Parker leaves for work early in the morning G climbs in bed with her. At first he just wanted to get up and play but he is learning to settle down and sleep a little longer. I am enjoying G being the one waking my little darling up in the morning, I have been relieved of that chore.

Puppies are a lot of work!

Living Room Makeover

I have a funky "L" shaped living-dining room area. Each area is narrow and therefore small feeling. A friend of mine came over a few months ago and had some great ideas about rearranging the furniture. We finally made the time to make the changes and I LOVE the results.

This is the area in front of the big window where I used to have my couch.
Now it is the dining room.


This is the area where the dining room table was. During Christmas when the tree is in front of the window we do have the couch set up similar to this, in front of the fireplace. But now the couch is set back much further and feels roomy.

Another view of the living room. The retro chairs are now in front of the fireplace. I love sitting on the couch facing the fireplace, while still getting a great view out the front window.

The view from the kitchen where the table used to be.
The sofa table is new with a lamp on it. The fish tank was an eye sore no matter where we tried to reposition it, but I wasn't ready to give it up completely. I found a smaller, and much nicer one on craigslist that fit perfectly on top of a small cupboard. I hadn't wanted to part with this piece of furniture because it had belonged to my grandma, but honestly it was almost on it's way out the door because I had no where to put it after re-doing the family room. It had been sitting outside on the patio for months and I didn't have the heart to get rid of it. I'm glad it worked perfectly for the new aquarium!
And I love the new fish tank (even though I still don't love it's location)

Now Emilia keeps begging me to have some parties!

Finding some Peace

The last few days have been emotional.

Ok, it IS that time of the month, but that's not the only reason. There's been drama in the family. My life used to be FILLED to the brim with drama. I dumped that crap and have spent a good deal of energy healing and finding balance. When the crap comes back in I am sensitive to it's effects on me.

My midwifery community lost a friend yesterday. She was young (my age :). I went to high school with her, where we were both in the dance community, but we weren't close friends. In the midwifery community you don't have to be close friends to have a bond. The passion for the job is enough to bring you together with a deep caring. The fact that this woman died of a stroke, leaving a loving family motherless is heart wrenching to me.

I have friends in Haiti right now. Reading their stories fills me with sorrow and joy. The people of Haiti are joyful and gracious, but they are suffering beyond anything I can even imagine. I am nervous about going, yet I know I need to go and try to make a difference, to help just a little.

So after a good talk with a friend today, (who seems to always be available to me and willing to listen...thanks!) I feel much better and gained a great deal of perspective. I left the conversation filled with hope. I am working towards love to those who have offended. I am feeling strong about who I am and my family structure and our choices. I will tell myself every day that I can have love towards the people who hurt me, because I know they are hurting, too. And I KNOW this is NOT about me.

On the drive to a home visit I was enjoying the drive, enjoying the scenery and feeling good. I thought about my own midwife and how much she meant to me. I enjoyed our relationship and she holds a special place of honor in my heart and in our family. It made me appreciate my job so much! What a unique honor it is to be invited into the sacred bubble of birthing at home. Each family teaches me, touches me and I love them for the gifts they give me. And I felt joy at believing that some of them will think of me fourteen years from now and still remember that most amazing day of their baby's birth, and that I was a part of it. It's not about me! But I'm so glad I was there.

I'm going to Haiti!

I've heard back from Midwives for Haiti and they have schedule me to be there from June 12-19th. When I received the email confirmation I was terrified. But this is what I want and know that I will be prepared by the time I leave. I am fortunate that several of my friends and colleagues are going before me. I will be able to glean so much information from them. I also have the benefit of time to plan, prepare and raise the funds.

I do not want to travel alone. There are several other midwives who are also trying to leave in June, so my prayer is that we will be able to travel together. I will be relying on much prayer and faith as I prepare for this trip. I humbly ask that you will not only pray for the people of Haiti, but that my travels will be for a good purpose and I will be able to raise the funds and supplies needed for them.

CASA

I've been feeling a little lost lately. Too much time on my hands and feeling the need to do something important. Raising my children has been my most important job. I've held that position for almost 23 years, and have about 5 years to go until "retirement". I say that in jest, because those of us who are parents know that the job never ends. But the every day responsibilities do decline. I'm not needed much around here anymore.

After months of consideration I decided to take the plunge and train to be a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) in Clackamas County. The training will take me about three months (about 40 hours of training) to finish. I will be sworn in by a judge and then anxiously receive my first case. Unfortunately there are many children waiting for a CASA.

I'm almost half way through my training to be a CASA volunteer. Through this training I have learned quite a bit about the court system, DHS, and how these systems works. But I feel like I have so much more to learn. Part of our training is to attend at least four hours of court proceedings. I have not done this yet and feel like when I do I will gain a better perspective of the role that a CASA plays not only in court, but in the role of advocate for the child.

This training is intense and forces you to look at what you know, where you came from and to identify your biases. Everyone has biases. In this job you can not ignore that and have to confront what your biases are.

One of the things I have learned about is MSL. This is an acronym for Minimum Sufficient Level. This is the lowest possible standard that a child can live within and still be safe and cared for. This standard is NO WHERE NEAR how you or I live. It is sad.

But the thing that I really understand now? Children want to live with their parents. They will choose living with their parents in a car over living in a nice house with strangers, even if that nice house is warm and filled with good food and lots of toys. The goal is to remove the danger from the child. If the state can not accomplish this, then they must remove the child from the danger. This is traumatic to the child and begins a cycle of grief. The average length of time the child stays in the system before being returned home or finding a permanent living situation is 18 months! That is a long time for a child. Yet in the court system this is considered speedy.

The other thing I understand better? Most parents who have had their children removed LOVE their children as much as I love my children, and they want their children back home. They just have to overcome some insurmountable obstacles to accomplish that. The good news? This is what the state and the courts desire; to reunite families.

Challenging? I'd say so. Some days I think I'm crazy for pursuing this non paying job. But no doubt I'm learning and growing and hope to make a difference.

Mt. Hood Weekend

We went to our favorite cabin in the woods again this year. It's so nice to get away and relax. We watched movies by the fire, melted in the hot tub and ate some good food. That's about it.

Lots of little details in the bed and breakfast. The owners even took the time to make me gluten free scones that were amazing!

This was for fun...

The perfect size treat....except you're not supposed to eat two of them!

The day we left we made the mistake of taking a look at a house that was for sale down the street from the cabin we stayed in. We even called the realtor to look inside because the house was adorable, the property was beautiful, the price was amazing and it sat right on the Sandy river. This is the view from the front of the house. I fell in love and am now cursing myself for stopping there.

I've had this inner dialogue since we drove away.

1.
Manifest it with all your heart,
believe it will happen
and make it happen.

2.
There is no way we could ever manage to swing it.



It can't really work when both thoughts are competing for power.
But if you're interested in joining forces and buying a piece of property on Mt. Hood we are entertaining the idea of a partnership in order to do so.
All reasonable offers will be considered. ;)

As a woman lives, so shall she birth.

One of my new favorite blogs is The Gift of Giving Life. It is an LDS woman who writes about birth. Hmmm...I wonder why it's one of my favorites. I love finding LDS women who think and feel the same way I do. I often feel like an anomaly within my religious community, like I'm different and don't belong. So to find like minded women who can thoughtfully express some of the things that I feel is refreshing.

In her last blog post she quoted this "As a woman lives, so shall she birth". And followed that by an exercise she participated in during a yoga retreat she is on. The exercise follows:

First, we had to think of the most difficult thing we have gone through in our life, and then think of how we dealt with it.
Then we had to pair off and share.
We each talked for a couple of minutes. It was good.
There were some tears. I'm amazed at what the woman across from me had been through.
And i think we all realized that what we did then was similar to how we got through or will get through birth.

This got me thinking. It is important to look at the difficult times in our life and then look at how we dealt with it. We have all experienced hard times. And we have survived. I don't know about you, but I feel pretty powerful when I think of myself surviving some of the hard times. I am a strong woman who has done some amazing things. Birthing four children was pretty powerful. Raising them...even more so! Looking inside of ourselves and finding our strength, our courage, our successes helps us to continue on this journey and keep surviving our failures, our pain and the inevitable difficult times.

February 1st

Today is an anniversary. Not a happy one, but one that I will always remember. Two years ago I attended the birth of a baby who died. The anniversary of that time is difficult for me. The difficulty isn't necessarily on that date for a moment. I notice a pattern of thoughts creeping in and consuming me over time. I begin to feel sad, overwhelmed, guilty. I replay the events over and over again. It feels like I'm punishing myself, that somehow this punishment is a requirement.

Today I am lighting a candle for this little girl. The one whose lips touched mine as I tried so hard to breath life into her. The one who changed the life of the few who knew her. I am trying to stay positive today as I look at the light. She came into this life and left it for a reason. And I had a role to play in that.

As much as I want to blame myself I know in my soul that God had a plan, and He is more powerful than I am. I will trust in His plan.