Today is an anniversary. Not a happy one, but one that I will always remember. Two years ago I attended the birth of a baby who died. The anniversary of that time is difficult for me. The difficulty isn't necessarily on that date for a moment. I notice a pattern of thoughts creeping in and consuming me over time. I begin to feel sad, overwhelmed, guilty. I replay the events over and over again. It feels like I'm punishing myself, that somehow this punishment is a requirement.
Today I am lighting a candle for this little girl. The one whose lips touched mine as I tried so hard to breath life into her. The one who changed the life of the few who knew her. I am trying to stay positive today as I look at the light. She came into this life and left it for a reason. And I had a role to play in that.
As much as I want to blame myself I know in my soul that God had a plan, and He is more powerful than I am. I will trust in His plan.
1 comment:
You are so right. We have to trust what we know in our souls, I think it's the only real knowing there is.
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