You Might Think I Have A Problem

My girls came over to help me find an outfit to wear to my step-daughter's wedding. I was then looking for a pair of shoes and in order to find the ones I wanted I had to pull all the shoes out of my closet. The reality is, this isn't even all of them.

You might think I have a problem from looking at this mess. But my problem isn't what you think it is. I actually hate shoes.

I. Hate. Shoes.

I would rather wear no shoes or flip flops every day. I find shoes uncomfortable. They hurt my feet. I don't think they look right with my outfit. I think I have so many shoes because I'm always searching for the shoe that will fit. That will match. That won't hurt.

I think I'm going to try a new strategy. Stop buying cheap shoes. Stop buying cheap, used shoes at Red, White & Blue. Invest in a few GOOD QUALITY shoes that won't hurt my feet.

Like these:

I love my "new" Dansko's that I made my sister give to me. They are comfortable and go with many things. The RED is funky, fun and stylish. Going to go here and pick out a new pair pretty soon!

Last Child-First Day of High School

Hard to believe I only have four more years of making lunches, driving to football games, missing the bus and first day's of school. This girl has become such a delightful, generous, loving young woman. I am so proud of who she is and thankful that we had the summer together to hang out and have fun.

Reading List

Beside my Bed right now:

The Blue Orchard

The Mindful Woman

The Help

The Mother-Daughter Project

 I am excited about my book list right now and I've done something I never do.....I've begun reading every one of these books. I'm the type that can only read one book at a time, so it's time to commit to ONE. 

I've had the Mother-Daughter project for quite awhile. The waiting list for The Help was so long at the library that I caved and bought it at Costco last week. Just after beginning that book I got an email from the Library that The Mindful Woman was waiting for me. Just after beginning that book I got another email from the library that The Blue Orchard was in. I committed to The Blue Orchard because it's a library book and I needed a book of fiction to spend the day with yesterday. I am really enjoying it, but I can't wait to get to The Help...I've heard lots of buzz about that one!

It looks like me and the hammock are going to get some quality time together this week!

Everyone needs a vacation.

It's important to get away from the everyday work and stress and reconnect with your family and with yourself. I'm grateful that we have had the opportunity to vacation this year

I hate to admit it.......

But I'm kind of falling in love with Utah!!

I'll tell you a few reasons why:

1. Look at that blue sky.
2. The air is warm and DRY.
3. I have not been bitten by a mosquito. I have not even seen one!
4. I love Mario's family.
5. We eat Mexican food EVERY day!

The truth is there are a lot of things I don't like about this place, too. 

But right now I'm falling in love.

CJane Enjoy It

I just had to share this quote from CJane's blog today! She just had a homebirth a few weeks ago.


3. Would you do another non-medicated birth? And if so, WHY???

Here is the deal about that whole deal.

Now that I look back on Ever's birth I see things a little more clearly.

The pain? Hmm. Yes it hurt. It was pounding and brutal. Then there was the part when I felt my body split in two . . .

But.

But it wasn't the physical pain that astounded me about that experience. For me, the pain? Meh. It was shortly lived and gone the second the baby left the (fleshy) building.

But.

The pain coupled with the metaphysical?

Holy.

It was the stretching of my spirit that really shook my core. The psychological impact that comes from going to a place where earth meets heaven and tiptoeing along that blurry line of life and death. It was the part where I felt the weight of something so huge, so much bigger and more fantastic than anything I could have ever imagined. It was closing my eyes and seeing a checkerboard sphere rolling around like I was viewing pure energy at a molecular level. It was completely psychedelic and strange and completely awe-some.

And when I think the physical feeling of my body splitting open I also think my spirit was doing the same. In that process, my spirit made more of me to be able to contain all of that experience. Like a hand inside a latex glove, I was filled with humanity, expanding, extending, magnifying. I was more. And I will never get over the residual memories--they still astound me.

Are you kidding me?

I can't wait to do it again.

Going to Haiti

It's crazy to think I was scheduled to be in Haiti this week! I would have missed the one spectacular weekend of Sun we've had in a long time. I would have missed all this rain! I would have missed my daughter's 8th grade graduation.

The decision to not go at this time was the right one, even though the journey to make that decision was difficult. I am glad I waited. I needed to put myself first and get my body in order. Things are progressing there. I am happy with my new naturopath and the plan of action we have.

I created a new blog that will be dedicated to midwifery and traveling to Haiti. I'm still working on it but check back and hopefully as things get closer I will be posting more information. Keep the people of Haiti in your prayers!

Fitness Camp

I did it!

I took the leap and signed up!

Got my butt out of bed at 5:30am
on Memorial day...

And I keep going back for more!

I was so afraid to try, but now that I've done it I feel good. Everyday I come home sore and tired, but energized by my morning workout. I'm pretty much the oldest and least fit in the class, but I don't care. I'm there trying every day. I am happy with my progress. Some days I've even come home and taken the dog out for a walk. Some of our off days I have still gotten up early to walk/run or yoga.

Tootin' my own horn now...

Yeah me!!

family weekend

We very spontaneously planned a trip to Lincoln City. Sunday morning I had a birth, which meant I was off call. Pondered if it would be possible to get away for Memorial Day weekend. Tuesday booked a room. Friday, escaped to the coast.

We found a "family suite" at the Coho, but only booked it for 2 adults and 1 child, not knowing who would actually come. Imagine our delight when EVERY ONE showed up. Only one child lives out of state and she did not make it. When we checked into the hotel we were a little afraid to tell them that we had another SIX adults coming, so we told them we had four more and asked if we needed to pay any additional fees. The guy let us slide, but warned us to keep it quiet since we were on the third floor. OY!

There must not have been anyone next to us or under us on that Friday night, because that room was rocking and there were no complaints. The kids said me and Mario were being uptight....but we were over the legal limit of bodies and things were not getting any better at 2am!

We had to take a trip to Mo's. Here is Tyler trying to decide what to eat

Calli came up on Saturday to spend the day with us. Savannah and all the boys (except Tyler) left Saturday evening. We talked Calli and Tyler into staying with us Saturday night. Things were much quieter that night!! Emilia and I enjoyed a good work out in the gym both nights and had fun swimming with Savannah on Friday night (while all the boys were at the casino...of course) and with Mario, Tyler and Calli on Saturday night.

The weather was pretty good.

After a pretty soggy week in Portland we were satisfied with some clouds and no rain.

Everywhere we go we take a self portrait of ourselves. They must all look the same. One of these days I'm going to make a photo book just of these shots.

It was a pretty expensive trip for two days, but it was well worth the family time.

Meditation Post #1

While I was reading the book "How God Changes Your Brain" I was anxious to skip ahead to the suggested meditations. But I chose instead to read the book entirely before getting to the meditations.

But I did begin my own meditation program. The thing about it is, I don't think there is a definitive right or wrong way to do meditation. I have had small introductions to meditation during my years of yoga study. What I remember is that you try to empty your mind of all clutter and thought processes. If thoughts creep into your mind you notice them, don't stress about it, and let it go.

I pieced some things together from my readings and came up with my own meditation. I knew my primary focus was to clear my depression and deal with my anxiety concerning a specific situation and people. I found some great music on itunes (try to find something that is at least 12 minutes long, or easy to repeat). I chose a Tibetan healing sound. I then found a quiet space and while listening to the music I focused on one word or affirmation, repeating it over and over in my mind. According to the authors/scientists it is even more effective to do this out loud as a chant or song. If you don't want to use a a specific word or affirmation you can also use the words sa ta na ma or om (click to find out more about these words). The other thing I did was focus my eyes, while closed, on the third eye chakra. This helps me keep my thoughts more focused on my intention. This is just my personal preference.

There is one important thing to remember when you choose your word or affirmation. It MUST be a positive word or affirmation. Meditating on a negative will do harm to you. I will give you an example. If you want to resolve a conflict with another person do not use an affirmation like: I want to stop arguing. Instead choose something like: I will have love for....., My heart will be open, I am understanding, etc.

Another great way to begin a meditation practice is to find a guided meditation (again, on itunes, or purchase a CD). These meditations will have music and a soothing voice that will guide you through a meditation.

There are three things to consider before beginning to meditate:

1. Intention. What is the goal you want to manifest in your life? Everything we do has an underlying intention, whether we are conscious of it or not. Clarify what your intention is.

2. Relaxation. Begin by consciously relaxing your body. Focus on your breathing. The breath helps you to stay focused on your intention by slowing down your mental busy-ness.

3. Awareness. Begin to focus your awareness on your breathing, your body, the temperature, sounds and your mindfulness.

I hope this helps you begin your own meditation practice. Let go and see what happens. I can not believe the changes that have occurred in my mind and health. I am just beginning this journey and happy to take you along with me.